How to get arrested....smack a copper!

I hit him - its quite simple and I HIGHLY recommend it if you want to get arrested REALLY QUICKLY!!

Basically what happened was this............I went out shopping the next day (yes, I know I had taken a sicky, but the only cure for what I was going thru was chocolate.......and shoes......maybe some perfume........) So, I kinda made my peace with the copper, we agreed to have a grown up chat when things had calmed down and off I went shopping. In the meantime, my colleagues at work had called the police, stressing their concerns over his behaviour - they were well aware that he didnt let me out and that he was often drunk and violent - they had seen the bruises on my legs and arms (he liked to pinch me under the arms - apparently they teach you that in Police School "Its a pressure point" NICE!) Anyway, because he was a copper, this raised alarm bells with them and they called round......which we probably could have dealt with, but while I was out, my son had come home from school and instead of staying with him, copper had promptly pissed off over the Barn (our local) and left him at home. A 7 year old child, at home, on his own - mother out shopping, "step" father in the local boozer, following a night of rows in front of my work colleagues..............I can see how this looked dysfunctional.........

Of course, my son had opened the door to the police (as of course he should), and told them mum was out and "dad" was over the pub. I walked round the corner 5 minutes later to find 2 police cars on the drive (yes, my house was so posh, I had a drive, OK?). One lovely police officer was playing on the playstation with son and the love of my life, my hero, was sitting on the sofa crying (he did that a LOT) and explaining that he was having a nervous breakdown because of stress from work.........

Somehow, dont know how, the situation got dealt with and everything was sorted, we were told to expect a visit from a Social worker the next morning (which I was, at this point, grateful for - coz gawd knows we needed all the help we could get). And also some sort of family police liason officer... then the police left.

Then copper started laying into me.......about how I was a rubbish mother, how I "only worked in a factory (whatevver - I was proud of my little job), about how I wasnt supportive enough to him (true enough, im afraid) and most of all how it was all my fault he was an alcoholic and I couldnt blame him for not letting me see people from work - and I quote "because they are all whores and slappers".

He was gunning for me - really yelling - and I lost it - and im not proud to admit this because violence DOES NOT solve anything and I shouldnt have done it. BUT all those nights laying awake in bed whilst he was getting drunk and passing out downstairs, all the CD's in the PC hard drive with Porn on, all the frustration I felt over his controlling behaviour- being told what to eat, what to drink, who I could have as friends (basically, no-one) all the bruises I had and the scar on the top of my head where he smashed a beer glass and the bloodstains that still showed on the wall in the kitched coz I couldnt wash them off, the time I had an asthma attack and was kneeling on the lounge floor and he was laughing and accusing me of making it up (he soon changed his mind over that one when the ambulance crew (who my son rang for, by the way) had to inject me with adrenaline and I ended up being admitted to Intensive Care). All those things.......and many more.......just enraged me.............and when he was standing in front of me screaming, with my son in the next room and he was half pissed and stank of beer and I lost it - before I knew what had happened, I had smacked him - HARD - right across the face and with my fist closed..............I got him good.........

And who knows what might have happened - if the police hadnt left yet = if they hadnt of been waiting outside (which is SOP is domestic violence cases, by the way - in case a row kicks off......) Anyway, they hadnt left - they were still there and milliseconds after I walloped him - he looked at me and I will never forget it - he looked TRIUMPHANT, like he had won the world cup and found a million quid..........and he went over the the front door and announced to the officer standing there........ "look what she's done to me" and it was game over........they arrested me there and then for assault and took me away.

My mind is hazy for the rest of it......I remember a very kindly WPC taking my DNA swab and my fingerprints and asking if I wanted a hot chocolate........I remember shaking, not even able to cry and them taking my bra off me...I remember that the blanket in the cell was scratchy and I held even that for comfort............and most of all, worse of all, almost, I remember asking a male police officer for some loo roll and he handed me ONE SQUARE........because, of course they were less than impressed with this woman who had decked a fellow office who was just having a hard time of it............

Anyway, I got taken to a room and they took a statement and I told them EVERYTHING...........which has ruined my life.........because when they saw the bruises I had, after they had photographed them, they went back to the house (it was about 10pm by this time) and arrested copper. The first I knew of it was when I got taken to yet another interview room to sign a piece of paper to say that I was aware my son had been taken into care - into foster care............and I will never EVER EVER forget feeling that way...............Iwill not forget what my son went through (as if he hadnt been thru enough) and I will never forgive myself.......im sorry baby, so sorry.......

I'll tell you how I got my baby back and how I ended up on BBC watchdog tomorrow!!

love, love, love,

He waved a set of keys in front of me and announced "I love you, ive left her......we are getting a divorce" He had rented a house in Sittingbourne ......lovely little place with a courtyard. So, we got back together.....

Now - remember the pot head that I nearly ended up dating?, well he ended up with one of the pivotal members of my girly gang, which caused a huge falling out between us - mainly coz I have a big gob and told her in no uncertain terms that he was not the sort of guy she needed in her life, so she "choose" him over me and because me and the pot head "had a history"???WTF??!!! she told me she didnt want me around anymore.......it was one of those huge girly fights that I still regret to this day.........she was an awesome lady and DID deserve better than him.....and I havent spoken to her since, and thats a shame, because I genuinley miss her....

Copper and I - we were happy - we proper dated at last...and I was so blinded, infatuated, in fact, by my love for this guy I didnt realise at first that all our dates centred around the pub.....and now, on reflection, I cant remember ever going anywhere else with him.......never the cinema, or restaurants (well, the day my son got taken in care we went to a restaurant, but thats another chapter). He proposed - at Priestfield, which was the home of my dads favourite team (Gillingham) He couldnt have got that more right - its holy ground to my family!! I was dead happy - bigg eff off Diamond, hunky fiance, my son loved him, I was still laughing a lot, still cosy in my council flat.......it was all good.

Of course, eventually, we did the couple thing - looked for a house together and settled in a rented 3 bedroom house in my home town of Ashford, it was only half hour drive for him to the police station and I couldnt believe my luck. Imagine this..........all the problems I had had and now I was marrying the man of my dreams, living in this gorgeous 3 bedroom detached house (DETACHED!! - and me having come from a council flat!)

Then, he got moved from normal police duties into CID - and nothing was the same after........he drank more and more and more, I was stepping over him to get my son to school in the morning because he had passed out on the floor in the lounge (or dining room, or wherever). One Christmas he went over the pub (naturally!) whilst I was cooking dinner - got back from the pub at about 12.30 (he had only been over there an hour or so...) and spent the whole of christmas dinner crying, curled up in the lobby sobbing (cant remember what about now - but it would have been trivial, like the fact that it was raining or something...) As usual with me, I handled it badly - I was convinced I deserved the "fairy tale" and not this pissed up copper who just seemed to hate me. So I grew to resent him more and more - im not proud of myself - I couldnt have been less supportive...........I was a crap girlfriend to him at this point, when he probably needed me more than ever.........

He went thru phases of things - sometimes my weight was "ballooning out of control babe" so he would take food off my plate at mealtimes to stop me "overeating". Once he was on a night shift, but came home ill and i'd had my friend "A" over from work - the nicest, sweetest lady you can imagine - we had done the girly thing - video night, playing around with makeup and had some wine. After she left, I went to bed, and copper came in and poured a can of beer over me, whilst I was in bed "seeing as you like drinking so much, you can spend the night with it". This led to us having bizarre nights out where he was pissed as a fart and I wasnt allowed to touch a drop - sometimes even a diet coke, because he worried it "might set me off on a carb binge....?"

At this point, I had left the old peoples home - the unsocial hours weren't condusive to the fiancee of an alcoholic policement - and i was working at a plastics factory, in Quality Control - it was a bit of a career jump, I admit, but I loved it. Most of the workers there were Gurkhas Wives, or ex-Gurkhas and I just want to say - please please, if you get the chance, add your support to them being able to stay in the country - they are the most wonderful, amazing people and they need our help right now because they are being treated appallingly - our government should hang its head in shame...........

One night, as co-workers do, I was invited on a works night out. "I cant" I said - "copper wont let me"........so we all hatched a cunning plan...........get a babysitter for the night, they said and go out with copper (they knew we would go out to the pub - where else??!!) and we will "bump" into you and you can introduce us to him and it will be fine......So copper and I went out to the Man of Kent in Ashford, bumped into my work colleagues and it was embarrassing..........he was rude, snotty, vile and awful to them - for about 10 minutes, then walked out the pub shouting that my friends werent "classy" and "if you would rather spend time with them than me..." He must have got a cab home, I had to walk - no money.......and when I got home he had locked the door and refused to let me in. So i spent the night on the doorstep, cold, worried out of my mind and beginning to hate him..........

I bet you dont believe he was THAT nasty to my colleagues in the pub..........well, he was........so bad, in fact, then when I took a sicky off of work the next day (which was unlike me) they called the police...........and next time I blog I will tell you about how this ultimately lead to my son being taken into care and how I got arrested...........